Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drunk is not a location!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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