I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
