You work out of a Hotel?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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