Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
