my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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