She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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