There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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