i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
