He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Two words: blizzard sex
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
