Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
