So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
