It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
