she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
