I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
