Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
