I smell stomach acid.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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