she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
