I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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