32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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