we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
