think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize