you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize