Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He shit in the fireplace
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
