i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
