I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
