nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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