Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
