maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
