Umm I'm too high to move.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
