apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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