That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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