ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
