Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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