I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
