what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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