Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
