I CAN MOONWALK!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize