My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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