We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
