woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
