also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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