please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
