True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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