Cold hands, warm shart.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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