I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
