I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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