Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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