my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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