i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
