Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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