Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
4 words: hood of his car
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
