what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
