Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize