Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
