He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
