Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize