you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
