We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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