OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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