in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
