ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The best revenge is premature balding
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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