I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
