its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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