I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
