Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
