the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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